Header Image
Jealousy in Our Relationships

Q: Over Pride weekend my ex-boyfriend was in town and stayed with me. We slept in the same bed, but only because my apartment is small and there wasn’t any other place for him to sleep. We’re just friends now and aren’t into each other sexually any more. My current boyfriend, a guy I really…

Read more
 
Treating Depression Without Drugs

Q: I’ve been depressed most of my adult life, but never realized it because I didn’t know anything different, and also because I’ve always been able to work and function all right. But when my boyfriend started to point out how down I was I saw a psychiatrist, who put me on anti-depressants. Almost overnight…

Read more
 
The Sexual Disaster Industry

It won’t be news to readers of this column that we face a well-organized and highly funded right-wing assault on the human rights of gay Americans. But in the heat of our own battles, we may sometimes forget that this assault is only one front in a war on the sexual liberties of all Americans….

Read more
 
The Foundations of Intimacy 5: Clear Intentions

As I mentioned in the first column in this series, the most common question I hear from gay men is “How can I find a boyfriend?” Occasionally I respond by asking “Do you really want a partner, or would you just like to have one? Some men think they want a relationship, but their behavior…

Read more
 
The Foundations of Intimacy 4: Opening the Heart

The previous columns in this series focused on establishing the personal values and doing the inner work which help create the capacity for intimacy. This time we’ll shift the emphasis from the internal to the interpersonal, and discuss a quality which is important in making loving connections with others – open-heartedness. Most of us know…

Read more
 
The Foundations of Intimacy 3: Know Your Top Ten Tune

In the previous two columns on the psychological foundations of intimacy I talked about three core values which are indispensable – self awareness, self-acceptance and integrity. I also discussed the importance of facing and resolving the wounds from our past. As Jack Kornfield has written, in order to move forward with our lives “we have…

Read more
 
The Foundations of Intimacy 2: The Influence of the Past

Last time I said that the most frequent question I hear from gay men is “How can I find a boyfriend?” I discussed three core values which are essential foundations of the capacity for intimacy: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and integrity. This week I’d like to highlight a fourth value – coming to terms with the past…

Read more
 
The Foundations of Intimacy 1. Three Core Values

How can I find a boyfriend?” This is by far the most frequently asked question I hear from gay men. Over and over men tell me that, while sex is typically plentiful and easy to get, the kind of intimate partnership with another man that they long for eludes them. In one sense, the question…

Read more