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My “Sexual Abuse Issues”

From a reader: Your column on “The Sexual Disaster Industry,” reminded me of something that happened to me that supports what you wrote. When I was thirteen I started having sex in a cruisey park. When I was fourteen I met an “older man” (26) there who was hot as hell. I chased him, but…

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Making Peace with the Past 1: REACHing for Forgiveness

It’s a truism that if we want to be happy in the present we need to find some measure of acceptance and peace in relation to the pain and disappointments of the past. Two powerful methods for achieving that peace are practicing forgiveness and cultivating gratitude. I’ll focus on forgiveness this time and gratitude in…

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Making Peace with the Past 2: Cultivating Gratitude

As I wrote last time, it’s a truism that if we want to be happy today we have to find some acceptance and peace with the pain and disappointments of the past; and that two powerful methods for achieving that acceptance are practicing forgiveness and cultivating gratitude. Last time I talked about forgiveness. This time…

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Thoughts on Brokeback Mountain

This film takes us back to the basics. The dual themes are huge and simple: love and the terror of it. A sprout of love that is playful, tender, rough and hot struggles to thrive in terrain that is bleak, forbidding, silent and cold. Along the way we see the terrible destructiveness of homophobia –…

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“What He Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Him”?

Q: When my boyfriend and I moved in together last year, he only did it on the condition that I promise to be monogamous with him. At first we argued about it because I’ve never understood why he’s so hung up on being sexually exclusive with one man.. For me, one of the best things…

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The Religion of Romance

Oscar Wilde once said, “In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” This remark reminds me of the two most common questions I hear from gay men. The first is ‘How can I find a lover?’ The second, once they find one,…

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Can I Get Sober Without AA?

Q: I’ve been an alcoholic for several years, and it’s starting to mess up my life. I‘m less effective at work, and I’ve had some fights with my boyfriend about my drinking. I went to a few AA meetings, but what they do isn’t for me! You see, I was raised in a strict fundamentalist…

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Can I Learn to Drink/Use Moderately?

I received a number of responses to a recent column (Can I get Sober Without AA?) in which I wrote that, for some problem drinkers, a return to controlled drinking is a realistic goal. Some readers were skeptical, a few were angry, and others asked for more information. As Pride month celebrations wind down, many…

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Forgiveness Isn’t Reconciliation

Q. I had a horrible break-up with my boyfriend a few years back. He got heavily into crystal meth and alcohol, and suddenly I was the enemy. He assaulted me verbally every day, and physically more than once. He slandered me to my friends and even tried to get me fired from my job by…

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Is it Learned or Biological?

Research shows that this minority orientation has the following profile: The trait is a “stable bimophism.” It occurs in all human populations as two orientations, expressed behaviorally. About 92% of the population has the majority orientation, and 8% has the minority orientation. The historical evidence suggests that both orientations have existed for at least five…

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