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Tom Moon, M.F.T. Year: 2014

Year: 2014

Should I Divorce My Family?

Q: I told my parents I was a lesbian ten years ago and have been with my wife for eight years. They refused to come to our wedding, and, in fact, made it clear that she isn’t welcome in their house. This year I flew back East alone and spent Christmas with them. It was…

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Pride 2014: Remembering Stonewall

In the late 1960’s, sexual minorities in America endured a level of oppression which is all-too-often forgotten, even by those of us who were alive at the time. I remember, for instance, as a college freshman in 1966, going on a field trip to observe the municipal courts in action. I watched as a young…

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Swimming in the River of Blah Blah

Whenever my friend Aaron finds himself lost in habitual and unproductive thoughts, he describes himself as “swimming in the river of blah blah.” Buddhists call this river papanca, or “mental proliferation”, and see it as one of the chief causes of human suffering. Cognitive therapists refer to it as “automatic thinking.” Whatever we call it,…

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Harm Reduction in Alcoholism Treatment

  Q: I spent my twenties and most of my thirties getting loaded. It was crystal meth that finally brought me to my knees. I haven’t used that in a year, and I’ve succeeded, so far, in cutting back on alcohol and marijuana. But I haven’t stopped completely, and I really don’t want to. I…

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Compulsive Debting

Q:  I have an okay income, but I’m now so far in debt that I’m in real trouble. Last Christmas I spent so much money on my friends that I’m now maxed out on my credit cards and can’t even keep up with the minimum payments. I’ll put myself on a pretty austere budget and…

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When is Anger Abuse?

  Q: I come from a family of loud, working-class Italians who say what we feel when we feel it. Everyone in my boyfriend’s family are all upper middle class New Englanders who never raise their voices, say anything “inappropriate” or express anger directly. I shout and yell when I’m mad, and then I’m done…

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I’m Only Attracted to Older Guys

  From a reader:   Dear Tom: I’m just the opposite of the guy in your last column (“I’m Only Attracted to Younger Guys.”) For my whole life, I’ve only been attracted to guys who are considerably older than me – usually by about twenty years. I met my first boyfriend when I was 18….

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I’m Only Attracted to Younger Guys

Q: I’m a 42 year old guy who’s never had a relationship that’s lasted longer than a few months. That’s because I’m only attracted to really hot, muscular guys (especially Italian or Middle Eastern), in their early twenties. I hook up with a lot of young guys who like older men, but they all just…

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Self Compassion: More Important than Self-Esteem?

There’s a long-overdue new trend in psychology: exploring positive states of mind as opposed to the traditional focus on pathology. This year researchers at Duke and Wake Forest Universities reported the results of five studies on the rarely studied trait of self-compassion, or the ability to treat oneself with kindness when things go badly. They…

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Marriage and Pride

Now that same-sex marriage is legal in a second state, and couples by the hundreds are getting married every day all over California, it might be a good time to summarize briefly what the research shows about the viability of gay relationships. Skepticism about our relationships still abounds among both gays and straights. This is…

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