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Are Gay Men Homosexuals? (SF Bay Times, October 3, 2019)

In his insightful new book, Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men’s Lives, clinical psychologist Walt Odets begins by asking “Are gay men homosexuals?” Who are we as gay men, and what happens when we identify ourselves as “homosexuals?” Gay men have been called “homosexuals” since the late nineteenth century, when the previously little-used term…

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My Avoidant Boyfriend (SF Bay Times, August 8, 2019)

Q: When I read your columns on attachment theory [3/2/2019 4/07/2019 4/18/2019,] I realized that your description of the avoidant attachment style fits my boyfriend exactly. I completely love him, but I do have to put up with his “time outs”, and his need for “space”, and the fact that he’ll sometimes take days to…

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Make the Most of Your Regrets (SF Bay Times, July 24, 2019)

Recently I watched an interview in which a celebrity said something that lots of people will support. He boasted that he had “zero regrets” about anything that he’d done in the past. Many self-help gurus will also approve of this approach; they’ll tell you that harboring regrets about the past is useless and self-destructive, and…

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When Couples Fight (SF Bay Times, June 26, 2019)

Couples can create serious damage in their relationships when they fight dirty. The research of relationship expert John Gottman shows that for every hostile interaction a couple has, it takes five positive interactions to repair the damage. Fights and disagreements are inevitable in all relationships, but it’s important to know how to fight in a…

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How to Survive a Breakup (SF Bay Times, June 13, 2019)

Romantic love can be a roller-coaster ride of agony and ecstasy. When it’s going well, nothing is more blissful. But when it ends in a break-up, or in betrayal or rejection, the emotional devastation is hard to bear. How can we best take care of ourselves in such painful times? Recent developments in brain research…

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When You’re Triggered (SF Bay Times, May 15, 2019)

Your partner says something to you in a condescending and dismissive tone. A close friend cancels the plans you’ve made together at the last minute. A driver jumps the line at an intersection and flips you off when you honk. Minor annoyances, but hardly felonies, right? But in an instant you’re trembling and sweating, your…

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