Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
Dr. Walt Odets, a clinical psychologist in Berkeley, has been doing psychotherapy with gay men for thirty years. His new book, Out of the Shadows, is a distillation of what he’s learned from us. It is a deeply thoughtful and insightful book, and I strongly recommend it. In his account of the last half-century, there…
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Since 2016 I’ve noticed a marked increase in the number of people calling to inquire about therapy as self-described “children of narcissistic parents” (CONP’s). This is probably a consequence of the rise of the Trump cult. Until he arrived on the political stage, it was common to think of a narcissist as just “a self-centered…
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All human beings create mental maps which tell us who we are and what we can expect from life and from other people. Unfortunately, most of the content of our maps form fairly early in childhood, when our brains aren’t fully developed and we aren’t capable of comprehending the complexities and subtleties of life. That’s…
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Q: When I read your columns on attachment theory [3/2/2019 4/07/2019 4/18/2019,] I realized that your description of the avoidant attachment style fits my boyfriend exactly. I completely love him, but I do have to put up with his “time outs”, and his need for “space”, and the fact that he’ll sometimes take days to…
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Recently I watched an interview in which a celebrity said something that lots of people will support. He boasted that he had “zero regrets” about anything that he’d done in the past. Many self-help gurus will also approve of this approach; they’ll tell you that harboring regrets about the past is useless and self-destructive, and…
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If there is one thing that virtually all of the LGBTQ folks that I’ve ever known have in common, it is the experience of having been bullied in childhood. All of the research shows that LGBTQ youth are bullied at much higher rates than their straight counterparts (who already deal with too much of it…
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Couples can create serious damage in their relationships when they fight dirty. The research of relationship expert John Gottman shows that for every hostile interaction a couple has, it takes five positive interactions to repair the damage. Fights and disagreements are inevitable in all relationships, but it’s important to know how to fight in a…
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Romantic love can be a roller-coaster ride of agony and ecstasy. When it’s going well, nothing is more blissful. But when it ends in a break-up, or in betrayal or rejection, the emotional devastation is hard to bear. How can we best take care of ourselves in such painful times? Recent developments in brain research…
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Your partner says something to you in a condescending and dismissive tone. A close friend cancels the plans you’ve made together at the last minute. A driver jumps the line at an intersection and flips you off when you honk. Minor annoyances, but hardly felonies, right? But in an instant you’re trembling and sweating, your…
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Q: In your columns on attachment styles, your description of the anxious type completely describes my boyfriend. I totally love him, but he’s always so scared that something is wrong, and that I’m about to walk out on him. One time I went to bed early and turned off my phone. After I was asleep,…
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