Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
Now that same-sex marriage is legal in a second state, and couples by the hundreds are getting married every day all over California, it might be a good time to summarize briefly what the research shows about the viability of gay relationships. Skepticism about our relationships still abounds among both gays and straights. This is…
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In the September, 2008 issue of Out magazine Los Angeles journalist Michael Joseph Gross offers a lengthy and thoughtful “cost benefit analysis” of our online “quest to get laid.” It’s getting a lot of attention and is remarkable for its honesty and insight. Gross begins by acknowledging that “Online cruising has its place in gay…
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The term “toxic shame” refers to a deep and pervasive sense of being defective and unlovable. It usually develops as a consequence of severe neglect and abuse in childhood. I see this condition all-too-often in gay and lesbian clients, and it is one of the destructive effects of growing up in a homophobic environment. It…
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When Keith met Miguel he instantly had feelings for him that he hadn’t felt for anyone in years. He saw the real possibility of a relationship, and when Miguel reciprocated his interest, they began to date. Keith was determined “not to blow it this time,” so he was careful to abide by all the dating…
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We’ve all experienced dread at the thought of failing, but for some people this fear is so paralyzing that it’s a complete obstacle to personal success. Motivational speakers and coaches try to get people to overcome their terror of risking failure with anecdotes designed to demonstrate that a successful life inevitably involves failure. They remind…
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The holiday spending orgy — with its images of frenzied “consumers” fighting and trampling each other to get their hands on all that great stuff they had to have — is finally behind us. But since it’s also a recent memory, this might be a good time to take a hard look at what our…
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After years of searching, you find “the one,” and merge with each other in what seems like perfect love. But after a little time passes you begin to notice the ways, large and small, that things aren’t so perfect after all. Your partner runs the dishwasher every day, whistles Christmas carols year round, or loves…
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Eric tries on a new shirt and looks at himself in the mirror. “I don’t like the way I look in this,” he tells his partner, Jason. “You look fine,” Jason replies. “Oh great,” Eric says. “I’ve always wanted to look fine.” In our competitive culture, we don’t just want to be fine, we want…
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Q: I’ve never seen a therapist before, but I’ve decided to do it. I got some names, but how do I know if someone is the right therapist for me? Which kind of therapy has the highest success rate? A: The most important thing to remember is that therapy happens in a relationship. It may…
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Since 1863 in the United States, we’ve set aside an annual Day of Thanksgiving to share our collective gratitude for the abundance in our lives. It’s now largely a festival of greed and excess, but this time of year may still be an auspicious time to think about the benefits of cultivating “an attitude of…
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