Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
As I mentioned in the first column in this series, the most common question I hear from gay men is “How can I find a boyfriend?” Occasionally I respond by asking “Do you really want a partner, or would you just like to have one? Some men think they want a relationship, but their behavior…
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The previous columns in this series focused on establishing the personal values and doing the inner work which help create the capacity for intimacy. This time we’ll shift the emphasis from the internal to the interpersonal, and discuss a quality which is important in making loving connections with others – open-heartedness. Most of us know…
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In the previous two columns on the psychological foundations of intimacy I talked about three core values which are indispensable – self awareness, self-acceptance and integrity. I also discussed the importance of facing and resolving the wounds from our past. As Jack Kornfield has written, in order to move forward with our lives “we have…
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Last time I said that the most frequent question I hear from gay men is “How can I find a boyfriend?” I discussed three core values which are essential foundations of the capacity for intimacy: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and integrity. This week I’d like to highlight a fourth value – coming to terms with the past…
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How can I find a boyfriend?” This is by far the most frequently asked question I hear from gay men. Over and over men tell me that, while sex is typically plentiful and easy to get, the kind of intimate partnership with another man that they long for eludes them. In one sense, the question…
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What makes people happy? No question is of more practical importance to all of us. In recent decades, researchers have studied the happiness of lack of it or more than a million people in every age group and in almost every culture in the world. Two psychologists, David Myers and Ed Diener, recently sifted through…
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Christian de la Huerta is a man with a vision. Cuban-born, and displaced by Castro’s revolution, he achieved in the U.S. all the trappings of success –the hot lover, high-paying job, fabulous condo, sports car, Armani suits. Abruptly one day, feeling the emptiness of his life, and responding to an inner call, he walked away…
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Aaron has a dilemma. He was raised as a member of a religious sect whose founder is revered by the faithful as a prophet and a saint, and whose every word is regarded as Absolute Truth. Aaron grew up feeling deeply connected to the sect. He had a sense of belonging to a community, and…
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A while back I participated in an interesting project with the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. When participants in their Gay Life program were polled about what subjects they wanted to see addressed in workshops, one of the more frequently mentioned topics was “sexuality and spirituality.” I was asked to co-facilitate five of these workshops. I…
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Queers seem to be quite a pain in the ass in church these days. Increasing numbers of us are actually participating, on the outrageous assumption that we have every right to do so. Worse yet, we just can’t be polite and tasteful about it. We are openly affectionate with our partners, we, expect the churches…
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