Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
This is the final installment in a series on successful conflict-resolution in relationships, based on the work of John Gottman, one of the country’s foremost researchers on relationship dynamics. In this last article I want to acknowledge that even when all the steps of fair fighting previously outlined have been learned, when both partners have…
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This is the fourth of a five-part series on effective methods for resolving conflicts in relationships, based on the work of Dr. John Gottman, one of the country’s foremost researchers on the dynamics of relationships. This week the subject is the importance of being willing to compromise. When Gottman writes that like it or not,…
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This is the third of a five-part series on effective methods for resolving conflicts in relationships, based on the work of Dr. John Gottman, one of the country’s foremost researchers on the dynamics of relationships. In the first article I talked about his insight that a conflict discussion generally ends on the same tone with…
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Eckhart Tolle, in his modern classic, The Power of Now, writes: “You have probably come across ‘mad’ people in the street incessantly talking or muttering to themselves. Well, that’s not much different from what you and all other ‘normal’ people do, except that you don’t do it out loud. The voice comments, speculates, judges, compares,…
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Last time I talked about the basic ideas of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a form of interaction developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg which offers an alternative to the competitive, judgmental, and violent forms of communication in which most of us have been socialized. This time I’d like to talk about how NVC approaches the issue of…
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In my work with (mostly gay male) couples I’ve often notice that the “substantive issue” turns out to be how the couple communicates about the substantive issues. It’s not uncommon for even the most loving of couples to resort to harsh, hostile, and aggressive language when conflict arises. That is one of the reasons why…
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Q: I’ve been depressed most of my adult life, but never realized it because I didn’t know anything different, and also because I’ve always been able to work and function all right. But when my boyfriend started to point out how down I was I saw a psychiatrist, who put me on anti-depressants. Almost overnight…
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It won’t be news to readers of this column that we face a well-organized and highly funded right-wing assault on the human rights of gay Americans. But in the heat of our own battles, we may sometimes forget that this assault is only one front in a war on the sexual liberties of all Americans….
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At a party, Jack sees a hot guy that he desperately wants to meet. Immediately, all his walls go up. He’s outgoing and friendly to everyone else in the room, but avoids making any eye contact with the man who interests him the most, and makes sure he doesn’t go near him. He hopes some…
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As I mentioned in the first column in this series, the most common question I hear from gay men is “How can I find a boyfriend?” Occasionally I respond by asking “Do you really want a partner, or would you just like to have one? Some men think they want a relationship, but their behavior…
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