Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
It won’t be news to readers of this column that we face a well-organized and highly funded right-wing assault on the human rights of gay Americans. But in the heat of our own battles, we may sometimes forget that this assault is only one front in a war on the sexual liberties of all Americans….
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At a party, Jack sees a hot guy that he desperately wants to meet. Immediately, all his walls go up. He’s outgoing and friendly to everyone else in the room, but avoids making any eye contact with the man who interests him the most, and makes sure he doesn’t go near him. He hopes some…
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As I mentioned in the first column in this series, the most common question I hear from gay men is “How can I find a boyfriend?” Occasionally I respond by asking “Do you really want a partner, or would you just like to have one? Some men think they want a relationship, but their behavior…
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The previous columns in this series focused on establishing the personal values and doing the inner work which help create the capacity for intimacy. This time we’ll shift the emphasis from the internal to the interpersonal, and discuss a quality which is important in making loving connections with others – open-heartedness. Most of us know…
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In the previous two columns on the psychological foundations of intimacy I talked about three core values which are indispensable – self awareness, self-acceptance and integrity. I also discussed the importance of facing and resolving the wounds from our past. As Jack Kornfield has written, in order to move forward with our lives “we have…
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Last time I said that the most frequent question I hear from gay men is “How can I find a boyfriend?” I discussed three core values which are essential foundations of the capacity for intimacy: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and integrity. This week I’d like to highlight a fourth value – coming to terms with the past…
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How can I find a boyfriend?” This is by far the most frequently asked question I hear from gay men. Over and over men tell me that, while sex is typically plentiful and easy to get, the kind of intimate partnership with another man that they long for eludes them. In one sense, the question…
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From a reader: Your column on “The Sexual Disaster Industry,” reminded me of something that happened to me that supports what you wrote. When I was thirteen I started having sex in a cruisey park. When I was fourteen I met an “older man” (26) there who was hot as hell. I chased him, but…
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It’s a truism that if we want to be happy in the present we need to find some measure of acceptance and peace in relation to the pain and disappointments of the past. Two powerful methods for achieving that peace are practicing forgiveness and cultivating gratitude. I’ll focus on forgiveness this time and gratitude in…
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As I wrote last time, it’s a truism that if we want to be happy today we have to find some acceptance and peace with the pain and disappointments of the past; and that two powerful methods for achieving that acceptance are practicing forgiveness and cultivating gratitude. Last time I talked about forgiveness. This time…
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