Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
It’s a given that queer people are the rule breakers, the ones who stand outside what is conventional and challenge social norms. That’s why I’ve been surprised to discover, in my conversations with gay men over the years, that sexual guilt and self-doubt are alive and well in our community, even among many who feel…
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If you’ve had a thousand positive experiences with dogs, but on one occasion a dog attacked and bit you, you may have developed a fear of dogs which persisted for years. The one bad experience trumped the thousand good ones. If you were at a party last night and ten people were warm and friendly…
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Last time I talked about the brain’s “negative bias” – its tendency to register negative experiences in emotional memory more quickly and deeply than positive ones. In the words of neuropsychologist Rick Hanson (www.rickhanson.net) : “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” The result is “a growing – and…
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Eckhart Tolle, in his modern classic, The Power of Now, writes: “You have probably come across ‘mad’ people in the street incessantly talking or muttering to themselves. Well, that’s not much different from what you and all other ‘normal’ people do, except that you don’t do it out loud. The voice comments, speculates, judges, compares,…
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Q: When I was a boy I was so skinny that my nickname was “Scarecrow.” Not any more. Beginning at about age 25, I started putting on extra pounds. It used to be easy to lose them by going on a crash diet, but I’ve never been able to keep the weight off, and with…
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Luis is one of the most loved and respected people in his circle of friends, but when sixty people showed up at his surprise 30th birthday party and showered him with affection, he hid in the bathroom for ten minutes because all the attention set off a panic attack. In his childhood, he was treated…
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Henry unexpectedly comes home from work two hours early. Instead of giving him a friendly greeting, his partner Andy, who’s had the day off, glares at him in silence and walks away. Henry is confused by the reaction and uncertain as to what to do. He opens a beer, sits on the couch, and turns…
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In my work with (mostly gay male) couples I’ve often notice that the “substantive issue” turns out to be how the couple communicates about the substantive issues. It’s not uncommon for even the most loving of couples to resort to harsh, hostile, and aggressive language when conflict arises. That is one of the reasons why…
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Last time I talked about the basic ideas of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a form of interaction developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg which offers an alternative to the competitive, judgmental, and violent forms of communication in which most of us have been socialized. This time I’d like to talk about how NVC approaches the issue of…
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“In our language there is a word with enormous power to create shame and guilt. This violent word, which we commonly use to evaluate ourselves, is so deeply ingrained in our consciousness that many of us would have trouble imagining how to live without it. It is the word ‘should,’ as in ‘I should have…
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