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Tom Moon, M.F.T. Author: Tom Moon

Author: Tom Moon

The Foundations of Intimacy 5: Clear Intentions

As I mentioned in the first column in this series, the most common question I hear from gay men is “How can I find a boyfriend?” Occasionally I respond by asking “Do you really want a partner, or would you just like to have one? Some men think they want a relationship, but their behavior…

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The Foundations of Intimacy 4: Opening the Heart

The previous columns in this series focused on establishing the personal values and doing the inner work which help create the capacity for intimacy. This time we’ll shift the emphasis from the internal to the interpersonal, and discuss a quality which is important in making loving connections with others – open-heartedness. Most of us know…

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The Foundations of Intimacy 3: Know Your Top Ten Tune

In the previous two columns on the psychological foundations of intimacy I talked about three core values which are indispensable – self awareness, self-acceptance and integrity. I also discussed the importance of facing and resolving the wounds from our past. As Jack Kornfield has written, in order to move forward with our lives “we have…

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The Foundations of Intimacy 2: The Influence of the Past

Last time I said that the most frequent question I hear from gay men is “How can I find a boyfriend?” I discussed three core values which are essential foundations of the capacity for intimacy: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and integrity. This week I’d like to highlight a fourth value – coming to terms with the past…

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The Foundations of Intimacy 1. Three Core Values

How can I find a boyfriend?” This is by far the most frequently asked question I hear from gay men. Over and over men tell me that, while sex is typically plentiful and easy to get, the kind of intimate partnership with another man that they long for eludes them. In one sense, the question…

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My “Sexual Abuse Issues”

From a reader: Your column on “The Sexual Disaster Industry,” reminded me of something that happened to me that supports what you wrote. When I was thirteen I started having sex in a cruisey park. When I was fourteen I met an “older man” (26) there who was hot as hell. I chased him, but…

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Making Peace with the Past 1: REACHing for Forgiveness

It’s a truism that if we want to be happy in the present we need to find some measure of acceptance and peace in relation to the pain and disappointments of the past. Two powerful methods for achieving that peace are practicing forgiveness and cultivating gratitude. I’ll focus on forgiveness this time and gratitude in…

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Making Peace with the Past 2: Cultivating Gratitude

As I wrote last time, it’s a truism that if we want to be happy today we have to find some acceptance and peace with the pain and disappointments of the past; and that two powerful methods for achieving that acceptance are practicing forgiveness and cultivating gratitude. Last time I talked about forgiveness. This time…

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Thoughts on Brokeback Mountain

This film takes us back to the basics. The dual themes are huge and simple: love and the terror of it. A sprout of love that is playful, tender, rough and hot struggles to thrive in terrain that is bleak, forbidding, silent and cold. Along the way we see the terrible destructiveness of homophobia –…

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“What He Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Him”?

Q: When my boyfriend and I moved in together last year, he only did it on the condition that I promise to be monogamous with him. At first we argued about it because I’ve never understood why he’s so hung up on being sexually exclusive with one man.. For me, one of the best things…

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