This is the second of a five-part series on effective methods for resolving conflicts in relationships, based on the work of Dr. John Gottman, one of the country’s foremost researchers on the dynamics of relationships. Last time I talked about his insight that a conflict discussion generally ends on the same tone with which it…
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This is the third of a five-part series on effective methods for resolving conflicts in relationships, based on the work of Dr. John Gottman, one of the country’s foremost researchers on the dynamics of relationships. In the first article I talked about his insight that a conflict discussion generally ends on the same tone with…
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This is the fourth of a five-part series on effective methods for resolving conflicts in relationships, based on the work of Dr. John Gottman, one of the country’s foremost researchers on the dynamics of relationships. This week the subject is the importance of being willing to compromise. When Gottman writes that like it or not,…
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This is the final installment in a series on successful conflict-resolution in relationships, based on the work of John Gottman, one of the country’s foremost researchers on relationship dynamics. In this last article I want to acknowledge that even when all the steps of fair fighting previously outlined have been learned, when both partners have…
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Q: I frequently meet a man in a gay social organization to which we both belong, and this man, as they say, pushes all my buttons. He is friendly to me, which makes him all the more alluring, but it is clear that he has an active social world in which there is no place…
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Mindfulness practice is the latest thing in psychology. A few years ago it was the preoccupation of a few fringe types, but today increasing numbers of mental health professionals are using it in their work with patients. That’s because a flood of recent and ongoing research is showing that this simple practice can produce measurable…
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Q: I come from a family of loud, working-class Italians who say what we feel when we feel it. My boyfriend’s family are upper middle class New Englanders who never raise their voices, say anything “inappropriate” or express anger directly. I shout and yell when I’m mad, and then I’m done with it. I never…
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Most of us believe that the pain in our lives is caused by the painful events in our lives –our failures, losses, betrayals, and disappointments. But a fundamental insight of cognitive therapy is that, to a surprising degree, our suffering is the result, not of events themselves, but of our ideas about the events. More…
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It’s a given that queer people are the rule breakers, the ones who stand outside what is conventional and challenge social norms. That’s why I’ve been surprised to discover, in my conversations with gay men over the years, that sexual guilt and self-doubt are alive and well in our community, even among many who feel…
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If you’ve had a thousand positive experiences with dogs, but on one occasion a dog attacked and bit you, you may have developed a fear of dogs which persisted for years. The one bad experience trumped the thousand good ones. If you were at a party last night and ten people were warm and friendly…
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