Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
In the late 1960’s, sexual minorities in America endured a level of oppression which is all-too-often forgotten, even by those of us who were alive at the time. I remember, for instance, as a college freshman in 1966, going on a field trip to observe the municipal courts in action. I watched as a young…
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Whenever my friend Aaron finds himself lost in habitual and unproductive thoughts, he describes himself as “swimming in the river of blah blah.” Buddhists call this river papanca, or “mental proliferation”, and see it as one of the chief causes of human suffering. Cognitive therapists refer to it as “automatic thinking.” Whatever we call it,…
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Q: I spent my twenties and most of my thirties getting loaded. It was crystal meth that finally brought me to my knees. I haven’t used that in a year, and I’ve succeeded, so far, in cutting back on alcohol and marijuana. But I haven’t stopped completely, and I really don’t want to. I…
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Q: I have an okay income, but I’m now so far in debt that I’m in real trouble. Last Christmas I spent so much money on my friends that I’m now maxed out on my credit cards and can’t even keep up with the minimum payments. I’ll put myself on a pretty austere budget and…
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Q: I come from a family of loud, working-class Italians who say what we feel when we feel it. Everyone in my boyfriend’s family are all upper middle class New Englanders who never raise their voices, say anything “inappropriate” or express anger directly. I shout and yell when I’m mad, and then I’m done…
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From a reader: Dear Tom: I’m just the opposite of the guy in your last column (“I’m Only Attracted to Younger Guys.”) For my whole life, I’ve only been attracted to guys who are considerably older than me – usually by about twenty years. I met my first boyfriend when I was 18….
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Q: I’m a 42 year old guy who’s never had a relationship that’s lasted longer than a few months. That’s because I’m only attracted to really hot, muscular guys (especially Italian or Middle Eastern), in their early twenties. I hook up with a lot of young guys who like older men, but they all just…
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If you’ve followed the series this far, you may be wanting to forgive someone who has harmed you, but wonder how to go about doing it. The five-step approach described below is adapted from a research-based process developed by Dr. Robert Enright at the University of Wisconsin. I highly recommend his book, Forgiveness is a…
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All of the world’s wisdom traditions seem to be unanimous on at least one point – that forgiving those who have harmed us is wiser than nursing grudges and resentments. One reason this is true is that forgiving means letting go of the past, which lightens our own loads. Holding onto grudges is a little…
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In the first part of this four-part series, I argued that victims have no moral obligation to forgive their perpetrators, and that feeling coerced by the idea of forgiveness as a duty can actually be harmful when victims aren’t ready to do it authentically. That said, it is true that there are benefits to practicing…
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