Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
If you’re having a bad day, what is the best way to boost your mood? Will you be more likely to feel better if you do something to treat yourself, or will you feel better if you focus on doing something nice for others? Psychologists have actually researched this question, and have come up with…
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Q: My close friend Mark (that’s not his real name) – fell in love with someone nine years ago – I’ll call him Sam. Sam has done nothing but harm to him. He can’t hold down a job, even though Mark spent a lot of money he doesn’t have for schools and training programs for…
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Q: I’ve been dogged by times of really intense depression for most of my life. Anti-depressants have helped some, and I’ve been in and out of therapy for years, but it’s still a struggle. I know you’ve written about meditation in the past. Do you think it could help me with my depression? I’ve tried…
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Q: I’ve been with my husband for almost fifteen years. We don’t have any major problems like physical abuse, or cheating, or drugs. I really love him and I know he loves me, But I keep wishing he would be different than he is. I find myself resenting him all the time for little ways…
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Blake Spears and Lanz Lowen have been together in an open relationship for over 40 years, and in past columns I’ve reported on their in-depth research on the viability of long-term open relationships. In the past, they write, most research on gay male couples has shown that approximately two-thirds of long-term male couples who have…
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Are human beings basically good or bad? My colleague, neuropsychologist Rick Hanson believes that science can answer this age-old question. He points out: “When the body is not disturbed by hunger, thirst, pain, or illness, and when the mind is not disturbed by threat, frustration, or rejection, then most people settle into their resting state,…
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Ted was one of the few people of color in the small Midwestern town where he grew up. He was also gay, and was targeted because of it even before he was old enough to understand what the word meant. He was beaten up badly a few times as a child, but the most emotionally…
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Recently, my friend David told me “My pumpkin spice latte syndrome is back.” He was referring to the fact that every year, just about the time his coffee shop starts serving pumpkin lattes, he begins to feel sluggish, blue, and irritable; and his down mood persists, off and on, through the winter months. He’s…
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If you’ve recently suffered a traumatic event, such as the loss of a relationship, or a serious medical diagnosis (and I’ve talked with many people who are having classic post-traumatic stress responses to the recent election) you may also be feeling surprise and confusion, not just because of the event itself, but because of the…
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What constitutes mature love? This is the subject of an excellent book, How to be an Adult in Relationships by Dr. David Richo, a book I highly recommend. In this book, Richo discusses five characteristics which he believes are the essential ingredients of maturity in adult love. These “five A’s” are: Attention: This is…
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