Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
Valentine’s Day is almost here again, a day that is pretty tough for a lot of single people. So many of us have uncritically bought into the notion, almost universally assumed in popular movies, music, and books, that romantic love is the One True Road to happiness. Life doesn’t really begin until you meet your…
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Blake Spears and Lanz Lowen have been together in an open relationship for over 40 years, and in past columns I’ve reported on their in-depth research on the viability of long-term open relationships. In the past, they write, most research on gay male couples has shown that approximately two-thirds of long-term male couples who have…
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“I’ve always had a lot of casual and anonymous sex. Does that make me a sex addict?” “Isn’t the whole concept of sex addiction just another way of shaming gay men about their sexuality?” “Who says I’m addicted? Maybe I’m just a guy who likes to have a lot of sex!” When I discuss the…
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Last time I talked about the brain’s negativity bias, the innate tendency of our primitive threat systems to focus on problems and dangers (both imagined and real). But our brains are also equipped with reward centers, also relatively primitive, which focus on short-term gratification and basic pleasures, such as eating, drinking, and having sex. These…
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The human brain didn’t evolve for dispassionately finding truth, but for ensuring our survival. It has built-in biases in the way it processes information, and neuroscience has identified specific ways in which it lies to us about what’s happening around us. These falsehoods create a lot of suffering for us. In this and the next…
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Aaron comes into therapy because he’s stymied by constant fear. He hates his job, but won’t look for a new one because he’s afraid of job interviews. Whenever he’s in a social situation and sees someone he’s attracted to, he avoids him completely for fear of being rejected. He wants to join a gym, but…
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Are human beings basically good or bad? My colleague, neuropsychologist Rick Hanson believes that science can answer this age-old question. He points out: “When the body is not disturbed by hunger, thirst, pain, or illness, and when the mind is not disturbed by threat, frustration, or rejection, then most people settle into their resting state,…
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Ted was one of the few people of color in the small Midwestern town where he grew up. He was also gay, and was targeted because of it even before he was old enough to understand what the word meant. He was beaten up badly a few times as a child, but the most emotionally…
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Recently, my friend David told me “My pumpkin spice latte syndrome is back.” He was referring to the fact that every year, just about the time his coffee shop starts serving pumpkin lattes, he begins to feel sluggish, blue, and irritable; and his down mood persists, off and on, through the winter months. He’s…
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If you’ve recently suffered a traumatic event, such as the loss of a relationship, or a serious medical diagnosis (and I’ve talked with many people who are having classic post-traumatic stress responses to the recent election) you may also be feeling surprise and confusion, not just because of the event itself, but because of the…
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