Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
Q: When I read your columns on attachment theory [3/2/2019 4/07/2019 4/18/2019,] I realized that your description of the avoidant attachment style fits my boyfriend exactly. I completely love him, but I do have to put up with his “time outs”, and his need for “space”, and the fact that he’ll sometimes take days to…
Read more
Recently I watched an interview in which a celebrity said something that lots of people will support. He boasted that he had “zero regrets” about anything that he’d done in the past. Many self-help gurus will also approve of this approach; they’ll tell you that harboring regrets about the past is useless and self-destructive, and…
Read more
If there is one thing that virtually all of the LGBTQ folks that I’ve ever known have in common, it is the experience of having been bullied in childhood. All of the research shows that LGBTQ youth are bullied at much higher rates than their straight counterparts (who already deal with too much of it…
Read more
Couples can create serious damage in their relationships when they fight dirty. The research of relationship expert John Gottman shows that for every hostile interaction a couple has, it takes five positive interactions to repair the damage. Fights and disagreements are inevitable in all relationships, but it’s important to know how to fight in a…
Read more
Romantic love can be a roller-coaster ride of agony and ecstasy. When it’s going well, nothing is more blissful. But when it ends in a break-up, or in betrayal or rejection, the emotional devastation is hard to bear. How can we best take care of ourselves in such painful times? Recent developments in brain research…
Read more
Your partner says something to you in a condescending and dismissive tone. A close friend cancels the plans you’ve made together at the last minute. A driver jumps the line at an intersection and flips you off when you honk. Minor annoyances, but hardly felonies, right? But in an instant you’re trembling and sweating, your…
Read more
Q: In your columns on attachment styles, your description of the anxious type completely describes my boyfriend. I totally love him, but he’s always so scared that something is wrong, and that I’m about to walk out on him. One time I went to bed early and turned off my phone. After I was asleep,…
Read more
One of the most common questions I’ve heard in my work over the last four decades is “Why can’t I find a partner?” This series looks at some of the psychological roadblocks that prevent some people from developing satisfying relationships. I’m looking at the question from the perspective of Attachment Theory, which proposes that human…
Read more
A question I’ve heard frequently in my work over the last four decades is “Why can’t I find a partner?” Last time I explored some of the psychological roadblocks to developing satisfying relationships from the perspective of Attachment Theory, which proposes that human beings have three distinct styles for bonding to other people – secure,…
Read more
In my psychotherapy work (primarily with gay men) over the last four decades probably the most common question I’ve been asked is “How can I find a partner?” Many people struggle with an inability to find satisfying relationships, but too often their strategies for change are superficial (such as joining a gym in the hopes…
Read more