Psychotherapy • Consultation • EMDR
If there is one thing that virtually all of the LGBTQ folks that I’ve ever known have in common, it is the experience of having been bullied in childhood. All of the research shows that LGBTQ youth are bullied at much higher rates than their straight counterparts (who already deal with too much of it…
Read more
Couples can create serious damage in their relationships when they fight dirty. The research of relationship expert John Gottman shows that for every hostile interaction a couple has, it takes five positive interactions to repair the damage. Fights and disagreements are inevitable in all relationships, but it’s important to know how to fight in a…
Read more
Romantic love can be a roller-coaster ride of agony and ecstasy. When it’s going well, nothing is more blissful. But when it ends in a break-up, or in betrayal or rejection, the emotional devastation is hard to bear. How can we best take care of ourselves in such painful times? Recent developments in brain research…
Read more
Your partner says something to you in a condescending and dismissive tone. A close friend cancels the plans you’ve made together at the last minute. A driver jumps the line at an intersection and flips you off when you honk. Minor annoyances, but hardly felonies, right? But in an instant you’re trembling and sweating, your…
Read more
Q: In your columns on attachment styles, your description of the anxious type completely describes my boyfriend. I totally love him, but he’s always so scared that something is wrong, and that I’m about to walk out on him. One time I went to bed early and turned off my phone. After I was asleep,…
Read more
One of the most common questions I’ve heard in my work over the last four decades is “Why can’t I find a partner?” This series looks at some of the psychological roadblocks that prevent some people from developing satisfying relationships. I’m looking at the question from the perspective of Attachment Theory, which proposes that human…
Read more
A question I’ve heard frequently in my work over the last four decades is “Why can’t I find a partner?” Last time I explored some of the psychological roadblocks to developing satisfying relationships from the perspective of Attachment Theory, which proposes that human beings have three distinct styles for bonding to other people – secure,…
Read more
In my psychotherapy work (primarily with gay men) over the last four decades probably the most common question I’ve been asked is “How can I find a partner?” Many people struggle with an inability to find satisfying relationships, but too often their strategies for change are superficial (such as joining a gym in the hopes…
Read more
Can we intentionally learn to be less self-critical and more self-compassionate? Psychologist Kristin Neff believes that we can. Based on her pioneering research, she has identified three basic elements of self-compassion: self-kindness vs. self-criticism; common humanity vs. isolation; and mindfulness vs. over-identification; and she has developed techniques for strengthening each of them. This week’s subject…
Read more
Can we intentionally learn to be less self-critical and more self-compassionate? Psychologist Kristin Neff believes that we can. Based on her pioneering research, she has identified three basic elements of self-compassion: self-kindness vs. self-criticism; common humanity vs. isolation; and mindfulness vs. over-identification, and she has developed techniques for strengthening each of them. This week’s subject…
Read more