How Should We Speak to Each Other? 3. Three Guidelines

Tom Moon 2015

Rubin and his partner Alan, the couple I’ve been discussing in this series on effective speech, are trying to resuscitate their dying relationship by doing couple counseling. They genuinely love one another, but they’ve become lost in a downward spiral of destructive and hostile speech which they know will doom their relationship if things don’t…

How Should We Speak to Each Other? 2. Focus on Needs Not Judgments

Tom Moon 2015

  Last time I said that the first step in practicing effective speech is to keep our eyes on the prize – to be constantly mindful of our intentions for speaking in the first place. What do I want in my life? I want to give and receive love. I want relationships with others to…

How Should We Speak to Each Other? 1. Remember Intentions

Tom Moon 2015

Rubin and his partner Alan are trying to resuscitate their dying relationship by doing couple counseling. Rubin begins this week’s session with a long, angry monologue detailing his partner’s faults. He is, by turns, snarky, self-righteous, shaming, accusatory, self-pitying, sarcastic, and demanding. I interrupt him to suggest that he examine the way he’s talking, and…

Something Nice About Monogamy

Tom Moon 2015

  Q: Would you write something nice about monogamy? I never hear anybody in the gay community say anything positive about it. My partner and I have been monogamous for a little over three years. Once in a while we still like to hang out at the bar where we met. Sometimes when we’re there,…